You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
