erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
