well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
