How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
