I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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