awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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