I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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