Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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