I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
