Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ok first of all what the fuck
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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