if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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