I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
