you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
