shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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