you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
