You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
