babies were throwing up all over the place
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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