i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
