Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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