they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
