i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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