Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
