She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
