I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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