onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize