I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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