Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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