you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
