Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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