3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
