"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
