omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
