I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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