Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
