I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
