Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
