made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
