So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
