she kept yelling 'call me bella'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
