even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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