haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
