Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
