I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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