i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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