Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
