I want to have your abortion
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
