every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
