I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
