I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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