wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
