nutella sex= disaster
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
