Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
