By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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