FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
