Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We need to rekindle our bromance
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
