dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
