im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
