i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
