why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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