I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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