just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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