and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
