just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it's like iHOP with fire
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
