Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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