when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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