i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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