how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
