i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
