remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
