there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
