Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
