he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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