she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
