just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
